Trail mix and reality checks

Michelle texted yesterday with ‘want to try that new trail at Shenandoah?’ and somehow eight miles later we’re both sprawled in my living room wondering why we thought we were ready for ‘moderate difficulty with some steep sections.’

Trail mix and reality checks

Turns out ‘moderate’ in hiking terms translates to ‘your calves will stage a formal protest’ and ‘steep sections’ means ‘bring rope.’ We started strong, taking photos of every wildflower and rock formation, but by mile five we were rationing our water like we were crossing the Sahara instead of walking a marked trail an hour from home.

Floor: the only acceptable seating after eight miles of ‘moderate terrain.’

The best part was when Michelle confidently announced she knew a shortcut back to the parking lot. Twenty minutes of bushwhacking later, we emerged onto the same trail we’d started on, just with more scratches and significantly less dignity.

Currently accepting applications for a new hiking buddy. Must have realistic expectations and GPS skills. References required.