The Keyboard Situation Has Escalated

It started innocently enough. Marcus mentioned wanting ‘one nice keyboard’ for his home office setup. That was six months ago.

The Keyboard Situation Has Escalated

shows what we’re dealing with now. Four keyboards, people. FOUR. And that’s not counting the one he carries in his backpack ‘for travel work.’

I found him at 11:47 PM last night in his office, hunched over his desk with what looked like surgical instruments, carefully applying lubricant to individual key switches. When I asked what he was doing, he launched into a twenty-minute explanation about ‘switch feel’ and ‘actuation force’ and something called ‘Holy Pandas’ that are apparently very desirable in the keyboard community. Yes, there’s a community.

The evidence. Four keyboards and counting.

The workspace tells the whole story. Tiny bottles everywhere, switches organized by color and type, keycaps sorted like he’s conducting some kind of rainbow experiment. He’s joined three Discord servers. He watches YouTube videos about ‘thocky’ sounds. Last week he tried to explain why $200 for a keyboard was actually a bargain.

I love this man, but we need an intervention. Or at least a bigger desk.