The attention span of a goldfish

Jake comes home to find me rewinding the same scene of The Bear for the third time because I keep missing crucial dialogue while checking Instagram stories.

The attention span of a goldfish

This is what peak 2026 looks like - professional multitasker can’t follow a thirty-minute TV episode without her phone.

Apparently I’ve been sitting here for an hour and I’m still on episode one. Jake’s trying not to laugh as he watches me frantically rewind again.

The moment of realization

“Maybe put the phone down?” he suggests, like some kind of revolutionary thinker.

Turns out Carmen posted seventeen stories about her pottery class disasters today and Sarah’s been live-tweeting some nursing conference drama. Obviously this was more important than following Carmy’s emotional breakdown. Obviously.

Phone’s going in the other room for episode two. This is growth, people.