The calibration conversation

Thursday’s meeting keeps replaying in my head, but now I’m seeing the layers I missed in the moment.

The calibration conversation

The whole thing started when Alex pushed back on the cultural workshop timeline again, but this time he did it in front of the entire committee. Not just disagreeing—questioning my competence to manage the program I designed and have been successfully running for three years.

I could have let it slide. Old Elena probably would have. But something clicked and I found myself saying, very calmly: “Alex, I need you to step outside with me for a moment.” The room went quiet. Sarah later told me everyone was holding their breath.

Processing through writing always helps me see things clearer.

What I told him in the hallway wasn’t mean, but it was crystal clear: “I don’t know what’s going on with you lately, but undermining me publicly stops now. If you have concerns about my programs, you discuss them with me directly. Are we understood?”

He actually apologized. Said he’d been stressed about his mom’s move and took it out on me unfairly. We’re good now, but I keep thinking about how different I felt in that moment—not angry or defensive, just… certain. Like I finally understood the difference between being aggressive and being authoritative. Between fighting and simply not accepting unacceptable behavior.

It’s funny how leadership isn’t about raising your voice or making grand gestures. Sometimes it’s just knowing exactly where your line is and being willing to name it out loud. Even when—especially when—everyone’s watching.